Two weeks ago my kitchen flooded – the upstairs neighbour’s pipe burst and water poured through my ceiling and into the lights. My neighbour didn’t know what to do and between us the energy of our panic could have powered Richmond town centre for an evening. In the end we called the Fire Brigade.
Half an hour before that flood, my doctor called; it was 6pm on a Friday evening, so I braced myself for the news. “You have a pendaculated lesion with an atypical appearance” she said calmly with a hint of concern in her voice. I spun out, thinking this is it: my time for Cancer has come. Sobbing down the phone to my friend, fearing the worst, the drip drip drip of the water coming through my ceiling caught my attention and I leapt into action.
The tube was packed this morning and this evening, no seat, aching feet and back. Tired and fed up.
Tonight I went to be with friends who walk a path of faith. I heard what I needed to hear, and shared what I realised. Which is this: I need to let go, fully let go of it all – let go of whether I have cancer or not, let go of the fact that I spent a lot of money on a tiny job which a friend could have done for me had I had the guts to ask for help, let go of whether or not I should have an MRI scan, let go of the fact that I live alone, work hard, want a partner to share the load with and don’t have one, let go of the my health issues, fears and concerns, let go, just let go. And put one foot in front of the other and live in this day, just this day, where I am alive today, breathing, feeling well, with enough money in the bank, friends to hug me, and the unceasing hand of God guiding my path and holding me. That is my faith, to let go, and let God.
As I walked to the shops to get my dinner tonight, I walked past a car with the following word written on its number plate: POWERLESS – now if that isn’t a sign from God Him/Herself, to remind me of my powerlessness over life and its events and people, then I don’t know what is. I am powerless. And that my friend, is a powerful place to be, because when you fully embrace that truth, you have all the power in the world.