Tired of life and tired of the day to day drudgery of one task after the next, after the next. Life felt so monotonous in that moment, like Groundhog Day. My mind focused on how each day felt the same – the same people, the same routines, the same food shop, the same everything, and then the thought came, which I haven’t had for some time, “what is the point to life?” I mean really, when it all seems the same, I what is the point of going round and round the same carousel. This thinking all happened within the space of about 1 minute. Now bear with me if you’re beginning to feel depressed and thinking the same thing, because there is a solution!
What happened seconds after I had that thought was a friend of mine in a support group I attend was walking towards me; we stopped and had a brief chat and he walked on. After speaking to him, I felt a tiny bit better, but was still swimming in the mire of my “no point” thinking when my phone rang a few minutes later. It was a call from a very close friend. As I was chatting to her, I made my way to our local Green; it’s one of my favourite places in the world actually, and I lay my back down on the cool grass under the shade of a beautiful tree and as I shared with her what was going on for me, I gazed at the incredible clouds that were moving and merging slowly above me in the bluest of blue skies and I took a deep breath, and felt grateful to press the pause button from the day to day and just breathe deeply, whilst taking in the majestic display before my eyes and feeling the cool earth beneath me.
Whilst in this space, I was reminded of my blog post entitled ‘Drop The Balls’.
where I describe dropping the balls as “stopping doing the doing, and being with that that nourishes, supports and replenishes you”.
After that pause, I did feel somewhat better, but over the course of the day, the same thought kept niggling at me.
That evening, I went for a run by the river, hoping that some physical activity would help me to fully re-connect with life. After wearing myself out, I sat on some steps leading down to the water, and went within, asking the question again “what’s the point?” and “is this all there is?” This thought followed – “maybe yes, this is all there is and our job is to live it, as it is”. Not to run from it, not to complain about it, not to find a point to it, but just to live it, moment after moment. Maybe there isn’t a grand all-pervading point; maybe the point is to just to live and to put one foot in front of the other and do our best each day.
I felt signed up to that – I can do that, I thought. I didn’t need a big point. And as I walked home, I reflected on and felt what I was grateful for in life – love, friendship, support, nature, music, romance, good food, laughter, peace, prayer, happiness, satisfaction, hard work, tiredness, sleep, need I go on? That’s the point. As my late husband used to say, “Don’t forget to enjoy the passing scenery”. Enjoy Life; we might as well, as it’s the only one we’ve got.